I wanted to take up yoga in order to practice control – control of my breathing, of my balance, of my movements, of my body. And it’s funny, because lately I have found that wanting control is my exact problem. By that, I mean, I become a gigantic fool all for the power of control; a slave to it really. By wanting control, it wraps around me, engulfs me, and ends up controlling me instead. I want too much to know why something happened or what will happen next. I try too hard to make meanings and define every detail of what is what. I fall into a hole of questions that can’t be answered all for the sake of wanting control of the situation. What I really need to do is calm myself and let it be.
On my flight to Jacksonville a couple months ago, I watched Esther Perel’s TED talk about the need for assurance versus spontaneity in long-term relationships. She stated, “This is a society that thinks that every problem has a solution. And then one of my answers is that this dilemma between our need for security and our need for adventure and how we are trying to bring them together under one roof – is maybe more a paradox that we manage and less of a problem we solve.”
So, in light of what I wrote one year ago, and in the context of Esther Perel, security is equivalent to my control while letting go is equivalent to her adventure. Yoga was not and is not a solution to the ‘problem’ but rather, is my avenue of managing this paradox instead.
Earlier this year, I started attending Warrior Academy Yoga. One of the first classes that got me hooked to the studio was with an instructor named Jeff, who said, we must trust in the uncertain.
I remember this clearly because it pertained to my life completely and exactly on point. I had no job lined up, meaning no place to live – I couldn’t plan and I couldn’t guarantee anything; no control. All I could do is what I needed to in my own power and hopefully things would fall into place. That was the epitome of it all while I sat there humming away. Now here I am, with a job and a place, and I don’t think I could of done it without yoga; my channel of balance.
All in all, my practice with yoga has allowed me to learn more about myself; controlling my actions, my movements, and my breathing on top of letting go of my emotions, thoughts, and intentions. Here’s to a year of practice. I’ve withered a little in attendance due to trying other activities that take up my schedule, but yoga has done wonders for me and I can’t stop now. I need to keep going!
Let it come.
Let it stay.
Let it go.